Doctors would tell you that a bad cut or scrape has to be cleaned and covered properly if you want it to heal. If you don’t, it is likely that it will become infected. Have you ever thought about emotional wounds being addressed in a similar manner? Some things in this life are not like cuts and scrapes. Some traumas which we encounter in this life can be deep. To make things worse, they are left open and unattended.
Like physical cuts, we have to take care of ourselves emotionally. Many of us are carrying around traumatic experiences within ourselves, trapping us from living freely. Think about it. If one’s relationship turns sour, all members of the opposite sex can automatically become evil in his/her eyes. It becomes difficult to open his/her heart to the prospect of love again. If a child does poorly at school after working incredibly hard, he/she may find it difficult to pick up the pieces and try again amid disappointment.
Leaving emotional wounds open and unattended may leave the victim infected with much bitterness and hurt. Perspectives are shifted. Behaviours negatively change. We are also left up to the elements. Any word or action can be a trigger, causing the individual to rehash the hurt that was inflicted eons ago. “Heal,” they say. These days, we as society label that as “self care”. We harp on the words “peace of mind” and “healthy distance and balance”. However, what does that really look like? Here are my two cents.
We have to identify that something has gone drastically wrong with us. We admit that something or someone has caused us pain. How can we heal if we do not know what we are healing from? It is counterproductive if we do not realize that there is a problem that needs to be addressed. We will be stuck in denial for years until we make peace with the fact restoration is needed for us to move forward. Going through this phase is okay. It is a sign of strength.
We also have to bear in mind that healing is a process that is often non-linear. There are days when all will be fine and dandy. There will also be days when our cuts are painful and it can be hard to make it through the day. I believe that on good days we should roll with it. Enjoy it. On bad days, we need to give ourselves permission to grieve. Hiding from the fact that hurt is still present may derail any progress that was made. We may also need help. Though there is stigma attached to getting therapy, it is still a viable option. Also, we must enter into environments that will facilitate the healing process.
Finally, healing has to be intentional. It is difficult to think this way. When we think of our bodies, we realize that it is designed to fight off any foreign object that may be detrimental to it. When we get superficial scrapes, scabs are formed. Emotionally, however, we have to give a little more effort if we want to see positive changes. We can never leave healing up to chance.
Interestingly, in St. Matthew 18-22, Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone who has wronged him. Jesus replied with a mathematical formula of seventy times seven. Upon reflection, I realized that Peter asked for Jesus’ advice on what his response should be if he is offended. The possible situation he faced caused him to harbour hurt. His end goal was to forgive. To get there, he (Peter) had to make moves. He had to be the one to clean and stitch that deep wound. This applies to all of us today. We have to constantly engage in self assessment. We must identify where we are and where we need to be, then adjust accordingly.
We are deserving of healing in our lives. It’s best we take the chance and close the wounds that have been open for far too long. No matter how long it takes, we should always keep taking steps towards becoming the best versions of ourselves. One day we will realize that the open wound will become a scar – a representation of how we have overcome pain by the grace of God.