Road signs. 

Have we ever reflected on how valuable they are? Have we ever pondered on what driving would be like if we weren’t governed by protocols? It would be a free-for-all, a call to do what we want. Motorists would not care about the incoming traffic at a stop light. They would only care about themselves, putting others at risk. Driving, especially on Jamaican roads, is already chaotic. I can only imagine it being worse without rules or codes.

Too often, many see road codes or boundaries as problematic. We claim they are stupid and have no place in our lives. Rebellion tells us that rules are designed to “keep good people down”. More often than not, this is not the case. They are to help us live well without endangering our lives and that of others.

It is similar to our own personal lives. We all need protocols to govern how we operate. It sounds strange but it’s true. We cannot allow persons to intentionally and unintentionally do what they want and when they want with our time, treasures and gifts. We must establish boundaries. I used to question the validity of having them. It is honourable to be loving and kind, expecting nothing in return. However, leaving all and sundry to take over our spaces has negative implications. It is not good for our overall health. Being loving is not an invitation to act foolishly. 

In recent times I have been learning about the value of re-establishing boundaries for my own life. I had an experience where individuals were bombarding my phone about some business before 7 a.m. I was awoken from my slumber. I started off my day with so much anger and bitterness. 

Couldn’t you all just wait till I am awake? Couldn’t you just… wait? Am I not deserving of rest like any other human being on this planet?

It dawned on me that people often value what I can do for them rather than who I am. They might not even see the error in their ways. Human beings are naturally selfish and have not learnt the art of thinking of the needs of others. Mistakes are not meted out with grace, rather, ingratitude. They don’t care if you need bathroom breaks or just a break. They don’t care if you are in the hospital or if a loved one has passed on. They don’t care if you have eaten. They need things done without hesitation or delay. It is demanded. With a voice of entitlement, humans scream, “I want it now!”

On the flip side, our bodies demand much from us too. When we constantly give without being filled, we leave ourselves empty and dry, ineffective and inefficient. What use do we have to any setting when we are burnt out? How do we provide value to a space when we have been stretched to the limit? Let us not fool ourselves. We need adequate rest. We need quality food. We need exercise. We need to pause and recalibrate. We need to intentionally take care of ourselves. Even Jesus paused and stepped away to be with the Father when many were demanding His attention. It is not that He did not care. He needed breaks to refresh Himself for more that was to come. If the Messiah needed breaks, who are we to deny ourselves of that?

Allowing others to step all over us is not self-care in any way, shape or form. This only breeds contempt. Living a healthy life includes the willingness and the ability to say no. It is not only limited to sexual purity but every facet of our lives. We must stand up for ourselves without feeling guilty. We must respectfully express vocally to individuals what those boundaries are, where they are and act accordingly. Contrary to popular belief, people cannot read our minds, even in intimate relationships. If our actions and words do not align, we give others permission to treat us however they choose. Gentle reminder: You are not trash. Don’t allow persons to treat you as though you are. 

Turn off the phones when we need to unplug and pray. Tell friends that we have allotted a particular time to study and should not be disturbed. We should let no one touch us inappropriately in a bid to feel accepted. Ignore that work email when it is time to get to bed. Have your lunch break. Don’t overwork. You are replaceable in the office. I guarantee that people will misinterpret our actions. Our methods may be seen as offensive and acts of hate. Not everyone will love what we do. At some point, however, we have to draw the line. We have to take the steps necessary to function well. There has to be a semblance of balance. Our lives depend on it. We must learn to love and respect ourselves enough to establish boundaries to help us live well.

^{Photo by Ajala Kings (IG: @ajalakings)}