Disclaimer: This might be triggering for those who suffer from trauma and mental health issues. If you fit in that category, please read with a friend.

In the blog entry entitled Unspoken Emotion, posted on December 8, 2020, I spoke about those who suffer in silence. These persons find it hard to put into words how they feel about their difficulties. After multiple discussions with friends and family and reflections, I was admonished to do a part two. 

If we encourage persons to share how they feel, what would that look like? 
What happens when we do speak? 
What would happen if our emotions were spoken?
Thoughts are endless…

Unfortunately, for many, it is not a pretty picture. There is already the struggle to be vulnerable and trusting others with confidential matters. If we are honest, we are not so sure what people will do with the information. The thought makes many uncomfortable. All too often, we imagine telling our closest friend of our daily woes, only to hear them on the evening news. It is easier to keep the sorrow closer to your heart rather than spilling your guts to someone who secretly does not have your best interest at heart. That would make anyone plunge deeper into silence and isolation. This becomes an act of protecting oneself.

There is also the risk of having our feelings disregarded and downplayed. Too often our friends and family make light of our afflictions. Remarks are made that others have it harder than us and we need to be “more grateful” and “complain less”. This might be true. Others may be in circumstances that are worse. However, this does not make the issues that we face non-existent. A person who needs major surgery and another who has gunshot wounds both need medical attention, and neither should be discriminated against. In the same way, when it comes to our emotional distress, pain is pain, no matter how insignificant one may perceive it to be.

All the more, we may feel as if sharing will put us at risk of being judged, especially by those we hold in high esteem. This may cause undue anxiety. We do not want to put our relationships, intimate or otherwise, in jeopardy. It feels safer to not test the waters. We choose to remain on the shoreline instead.

While all these scenarios (and others) and the thoughts behind them are valid, I will always maintain that bottling up pain is still worse than not speaking. I believe not sharing them will cause more grief, maybe later rather than sooner. Pain thrives when there is no outlet. I have seen this in high definition (HD).

And I get it. It is incredibly hard to know who to trust. There is much at stake. Overthinking wins. But, we cannot let fear of the future dictate the sensible decisions that we need to make in the present. We all need and deserve healing. Now is the time to receive it. I am certain there is someone or an entire community that is out there, ready to listen to our concerns without judgement. These persons will not only listen – they will act. They will walk with us on this road to recovery at the drop of a hat. We will wonder why we did not find that safe space sooner. Remember, not all persons in this life will make us feel terrible for the battles we face. Also, never underestimate the power of expression without persons physically and present. Pray, write, sing. Just have a positive outlet. I promise, it works out in the long run. 

Finally, may the God of grace give us all need to make it through periods such as these. There are days when we are tempted to keep silent for whatever reason. May we choose to let good people in and never walk alone. Though we struggle, we deserve love too. Let us remind ourselves of this. May we choose to hold on, even when we are not strong… 

^{Photo by Omari J. Harris (IG: @omarijharris)}