I’m sure you have heard the statement, “People will not love you if you don’t love yourself”. Once in a while, culture comes out with a statement, line, or catchphrase that everyone latches on to. This is one of them. Quite frankly, I am not too fond of it. I don’t think it holds water.

Here’s why:

Love is complex and complicated, and does not fit into society’s boxes. My dad told me that once. The sort of “love” proposed here hinges on the approval of others. We somehow believe that our self-worth is dependent on how we view ourselves. In order to be recognized by others, one has to evaluate their life and make changes. The inverse of this must be true then. The minute you have moments of self-doubt, folks will drop you like a hot potato. This concept is transactional. If you don’t act according to the rules of others, they will withhold their affection from you. Self-love has become a prerequisite for people to empathize with you in troublesome times. That can’t be right.

Let me share what I mean. From my point of view, people will not love you even when you love yourself. In fact, you could think highly of yourself but others would not do the same towards you. That’s the uncomfortable truth. Consider Jesus. Whether you think of Him as a historical figure or God, the Bible makes it clear. Men of power and authority at that time fabricated a way to have Him crucified because He threatened the status quo. If Christ the sinless Son of God was hated, what about us who fail and make mistakes often? If we consider love’s complexities and Jesus’ rejection, we might feel like we are not worthy of love. Quite the contrary. These show us that acceptance is not guaranteed and people might not readily show love. 

In fact, there are cases where no matter how hard we try, it won’t tickle the fancy of our target audience. Remember that crush you had in high school? You did everything to get his / her attention. You probably acted normal, but to them, you were annoying and not worth the hype. Harsh, I know. Still, we have to face reality. The thought processes, interests, and goals of the billions of people on this planet vary from yours. Those shift from often. Then, we cannot allow the shifting sands of people’s affection to dictate the way we love ourselves. We are worthy of love no matter what people think.

In my opinion, people should be loved regardless of how they feel about themselves. In fact, I have seen time and time again where acts of love and kindness have lifted the self-loathing out of a deep hole. A word of encouragement with a smile does wonders for the brokenhearted. Compassion also warms the soul of the broken. Many people don’t want to take that challenge though because selfism has seemingly crept into our culture more now than ever. I pray that changes.

So yes, love yourself. Do it wholeheartedly. Embrace all the flaws and invest in yourself. However, love yourself despite the perceptions of others – good or bad. Never let the world have a hold on you in the name of pursuing affection. Remember, you’re worthy of love no matter what others say, think, or do. Also, take some time and show love to someone. Be a light and spread hope in this world. We all are worthy of love. 

^{Photo by Anna Might Take Pics}