I often think of Judas. He was so close to the Messiah. He was called to be a disciple of Christ. He was the treasurer — he had a noble position among his fellow ministers. He sat at Jesus’ feet, fellowshipped with Him, witnessed miracles, and saw His tears. Yet, he sold Him out for thirty pieces of silver. He betrayed Him with a kiss. He was close to Jesus physically, but his heart was distant. 

That, to me, is scary. Our relationship with God can be like that sometimes, if we are not careful. How dangerous it is for us to fulfil our duties to our Saviour and never truly be in awe of Him! This whole ordeal reminds me that participating in rituals and ordinances is not the same as being sold out to Christ. This is the reason that Jesus said that not everyone who says “Lord, Lord” will enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. 

I wonder what was on Judas’ mind. Was he even in awe at the person and work of Jesus Christ, or was he looking for an opportunity to cash in? No matter his state of mind, he made a decision that marred his legacy for all of history. If someone calls you “Judas”, it is not a compliment, as the name is synonymous with treachery. This type of person is a backstabber and disloyal.

Nevertheless, this account forces me to step back and reflect on my Christian journey. Like Judas, I am involved in ministry. I love engaging in theological discourse with my family and friends. I am active each Sunday, serving through music and technology ministries. But I must ask myself daily, “Am I merely fulfilling duties on a religious checkbox, or am I serving Christ wholeheartedly?” Am I in close proximity to Jesus, but is the posture of my heart far away? My efforts would be futile. I would be leading people to a wellspring of water and never drinking to satisfy my thirst. 

Upon writing, I have realised that the only way to answer this question is to evaluate if I am bearing fruit in keeping with repentance. Jesus spoke the Word to the Eleven, and they believed. Even when they messed up, they sought forgiveness from their Saviour and got it. They then walked in that freedom and honoured God with their lives. They were diligent in proclaiming the Gospel and did not count the cost. Above all, they lived a life of love — the fruit of the Spirit. If my dusty life is being transformed like the disciples, I too will show love. I will be able to love God and neighbour as myself. I cannot afford to be like Judas and miss the mark. I must not only do what I am called to do — I must be who He called me to be. I must look more like Him. 

One thing is certain: being transformed into the image of Christ is not an overnight thing. Sanctification may take its toll, but it takes its time. Christians must lend themselves to the process. I must stay under the hand of Christ and allow Him to fashion me as He wishes. After all, if I want to look less like Judas each day, it is the most prudent thing to do.