After being heavily confronted by the Holy Spirit about stewarding my time well enough to honour Him, I chose to obey and take the plunge. I made this concerted effort to dive deeper into Scripture more consistently. Truthfully, initially I wrestled with what God required of me. Though there were no tears, I found myself mourning at this request. There would be additional sacrifices that I would have to make. Whatever and whomever I spent time with each day would lose much of my attention and focus. What about what I wanted? My already over-engaged body and mind would be demanded in ways unimaginable. Giving extra effort was now on the table. The idea of this drove fear and sorrow into my bones.  Denying oneself daily is not an easy task nor for the proverbial “faint of heart”.

I am eternally grateful that I did not give in to the desire to be a rebel. Now, I absolutely enjoy this process. I get why David constantly spoke about delighting in the Word of God in the book of Psalms. Delving into this beautifully strange book could be likened to the pursuits of a world traveller. He packs his bags to see the sights, immerses himself in a different culture, mining treasures along the way. Like him, here I am, in the comfort of my own space, constantly left in awe and wonder at each mind-blowing discovery and reflection on each page. I struck gold. 

This theologically curious side of me is constantly fed. Old concepts are reinforced, new ideas emerge, and I’m reminded of God’s goodness and deep love for people. The “minor” characters we would not typically hear about in sermons are given a voice, teaching me about the will of God. I’m forced to not gloss over any word or phrase because there is a lesson to be learnt about the person and work of Jesus Christ in every piece of the literature. I find myself bubbling with excitement, willing to share with family, friends and colleagues what I have been meditating on. I intentionally inquire and search for answers among theologians and commentaries. I even ask the Holy Spirit for insight. This thirst for knowledge is not new to me, but it feels different. It feels right. 

Yet, amid this joy, there is a question that lingers. It gnaws at the back of my mind. What if I gain all this Bible knowledge but my character does not grow? It’s a scary question. In my pursuits, I am confronted with the chilling and sobering reality that head knowledge does not equate to godly transformation. We see the example of this in Scripture and throughout history. People quote Bible verses at the drop of a hat but still have no intention of loving their neighbour. While I am excited about unlocking gems from the Word of God daily, I have to remind myself of the true reason for engaging in this spiritual discipline – I need God. I need to know Him, believe in Him, share with Him and allow myself to be malleable in His hands. Knowledge can produce pride. Motives change and emotions are fickle. Still, I will keep studying the Word, praying He keeps me humble while I seek to delight in Him.

^{Photo by Larie Anderson}